Day of Surgery

     I was resigned to my fate.  What would be would be.  Nothing I could do to change the inevitable.  Dr.s came and went.  At one point they'd started to put me in a chair, which was fine.  Sort of.  Except one time.
     Now mind you I was on 2 diuretics.  I could now walk with help to the bathroom.  In the chair my water logged body had done the memory foam and I had to go.  I rang the bell.  Nothing.  Urgency pounded.  I managed to free myself from the chair and rang again.  Terror pulsed through me.  Desperately I tried to find where my urinal was.  Too late.  Fluid poured forth, mostly into my slippers.  I was slightly humiliated and waited for the nurses.  They came, seemed there was an emergency situation down the hall.  They apologized profusely.  I asked them to just chuck out the slippers and got back into bed after the cleaning. 
     Not sure how many days it was until surgery.  But the night before came.  Signed the obligatory paper work, took inventory of my belongings and waited for the morning. 
     Of all 3 of my previous surgeries I remember vague things being wheeled out.  The first was the tearfulness with parents.  I went to the waiting area.  I remember being wheeled towards the O.R.  Man with black shoes reading a newspaper and I blacked out.
     The second was more fun.  I'd made it all the way onto the O.R. table.  I began to panic and kept wanting someone to speak to me.  I was terrified they were going to start.  I became more and more frantic.  Finally my old friend and anesthesiologist, Dr. Alvarez came over.
"John," he said in calming voice, "what's wrong?"
I was thrilled for the friendly face, I could tell his eyes and his mannerism.
"Dr. Alverez!  I'm still awake they can't start the surgery!" I remember half rising.
Gently pushing my forehead down he calmed me.  "John, we know when you are asleep and we know when to start the surgery."
"Oh. okay," was all I replied and I was out.
     The third.  New Anesthesiologist.  Nice guy.  I just remember him saying we are going to put you asleep now are you ready.  I extended a hand to a nurse, sharp, maybe cold across my chest and I was out.
     This time I don't even remember leaving the hallway.